so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
