i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
