I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
dude. I can hear the air.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
