Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
