Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
