that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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