im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
