paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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