Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
