i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm always down for nudity.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
