I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
