I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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