Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Randomize
