OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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