On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
