come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
