Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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