She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You are a genius and a whore.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
