You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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