just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
