Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
