My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
