So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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