He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Someone shattered a urinal.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
