'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
