Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Yo dont text me then not text me
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
