ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
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