That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
