just tell him i said nine months
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
