im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
