she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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