Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
