do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
