WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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