You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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