maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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