We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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