So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
