You made me cry and you don't even care
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
