I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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