I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
