trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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