if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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