No, you can still breathe under the balls.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
