I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
