he shaved USA in his pubs
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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