that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
