I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
