Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
this just has baby written all over it
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
