Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
